Allowing vs Attracting

Hi Pretty Girls,

A few weeks ago, I had a session with my therapist that really poured into my self-esteem, so I thought I share a little of what came up. I was being honest with her about how I haven’t been happy with the type of men I’ve felt like I’ve been attracting.

And if I’m being really honest—when I look back at the guys I’ve dated, the ones I opened myself up to, the ones who hurt my feelings, the ones I allowed to “contribute” to my life… or maybe “expected” is the better word—whew, I feel disappointed. I won’t say every single one was terrible, but let’s just say... the math ain’t mathing. 😂

I’ve always considered myself a pretty introspective person. Before I point the finger, I look inward. I hold myself accountable. I’m a “deal with your stuff” type of girl. I know I’m not perfect. And beyond my imperfections, I’m still actively working through childhood trauma that’s shaped some of my insecurities—and, if I’m honest, those insecurities have probably shaped some of my choices.

But the beauty in all of this? I’m aware. And I think awareness is a kind of sensitivity that everyone should carry.

So anyway, my therapist asked me:
“If you’re at a gas station and a guy says, ‘yo, you’re beautiful’… is that you attracting him? Or is it just him recognizing that you’re beautiful?”
She went on to say, “Now if you decide to engage with him, and he starts doing things you don’t like—but you keep talking to him—is that really about attraction? Or is it about what you're allowing?”

That part clicked deep.
It made me realize: the real issue hasn’t been that I’m attracting the wrong men—it’s that I’ve been allowing the wrong things. I kept telling myself, “I don’t attract good men,” but the truth is… I haven’t been cutting off what doesn’t serve me fast enough.

And here’s where my anxious attachment style makes things tricky. For some reason, it hasn’t always been easy for me to just walk away. But the longer I’ve stayed in situations that don’t honor me, the more hits my self-esteem has taken.

I used to wonder: How is it that someone as beautiful, funny, loving, caring, spiritually grounded, and dreamy as me hasn’t attracted something that feels equally yoked?
But now I know—it’s not that I am incapable of attracting it. I just haven’t always honored myself with my choices.

Her advice?
“The moment you feel even an inkling that something isn’t for you, drop it like a hot potato.”
Don’t hold on. Don’t try to fix or figure it out. If it’s meant for you, trust—it’ll find its way back.

One thing I’m finding so much freedom in as I near the end of my 20s is being clear and bold about what I want.
Lil Britt used to shrink her expectations to make people comfortable. I used to say I was okay with “going with the flow.” I used to feel embarrassed saying I wanted a relationship. But now?
Baby, I know what I want, I’m proud of it, and I don’t shy away from it.

I’m working on doing a better job of cutting things off completely the moment they no longer align—no lingering, no dragging it out.

SO? Let’s talk, pretty girls:
-Are you at peace with the men you’ve been attracting?
- What’s some dating advice that’s been helping you stay grounded and intentional?
-Are you in therapy?
- Has it helped your dating life, too?

With love and healthy cry at a time 💕
— Britt